- [a bird is twittering outside the window]
- Salem: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Why must you keep tormenting me?
- Hilda: A cat is doing an imitation of me kissing my niece's vice-principal. So this is my lowest point.
- Miles Goodman: Up 'til now we've known each other only as roomates, but I'm open to other avenues.
- Roxie King: Take a U-turn.
- [All of Salem's mined magic is used on Sabrina]
- Salem: Well, at least I'm young. No, that's Sabrina. Well, at least I have my own magic. No, wait, that's Sabrina. At least I'm a biped, no, no, wait, THAT'S SABRINA!
- Sabrina: Having magic and being a witch is great and all, but I can't live without seeing my mother.
- Salem: [speaking to a dog - subtitles appear at the bottom of the screen which read; go get me the meat of the...] Woof woof woof woof woof woof woof, oh shoot i forgot the word for floor, oh yeah, woof
- James: I used to be a spy, you know.
- [points to the back of his head]
- James: Sean Penn got me right here.
- [points to his forehead]
- James: P. Diddy got me right here.
- [points to his chest]
- James: Celine Dion got me right here.
- Sabrina: She hit you?
- James: No. The song she did for "Titanic" always chokes me up.
- Sabrina: [Harvey comes to pick her up] Good news, you don't have to loiter uncomfortably in the lobby and make awkward small talk with my aunts while you wait because I am already ready.
- Jenny: You're so lucky your parents are strict! My parents are really relaxed, which makes it hard to rebel!
- Harvey Kinkle: [after an accident] Is everybody ok?
- Sabrina: Well, I didn't hear a voice say, "Sabrina, step into the light," so I guess I'm ok.
- Miles Goodman: I need you to summarize your being in four words or less.
- Hot Girl: Not. Interested. In. You.