Camp Nowhere (1994)
Christopher Lloyd: Dennis Van Welker
Photos
Quotes
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Trish : So I don't get it, who made those teepees and painted that weird bus?
Fein : Back in the 60's, some hippies came here and turned the place into a commune. You know, sex, and drugs, and debauchery.
Dennis Van Welker : Knew I'd been here before.
Gaby : You mean you did that stuff here?
Dennis Van Welker : No... not *here*.
[Takes a step to the right and nods]
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"Mud" : Who's this?
Dennis Van Welker : Winston Churchill. Jimi Hendrix of the spoken word.
"Mud" : Who's Jimi Hendrix?
Dennis Van Welker : Michael Jordan of the electric guitar.
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"Mud" : You sure you don't want to come in? We're all gonna watch Beavis and Butthead.
Dennis Van Welker : You know, back in the '60s when we said we wanted to change society, maybe we should've been more specific.
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Dennis Van Welker : Don't forget your pills. 4 every hour.
"Mud" : Uh Dennis? that's 1 every 4 hours.
Dennis Van Welker : No way, let me see that.
[reads bottle]
Dennis Van Welker : Oh... not the first time THAT mistake's gotten me in trouble.
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Dennis Van Welker : [some advice to Mud] Here's what you do: get lost! Disappear into the woods for five or six hours. When you show up they'll be so glad you haven't been eaten by bears, they'll forget the other stuff!
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Karl Dell : Check or plastic?
Dennis Van Welker : Cash.
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Dennis Van Welker : Do you know what the first rule of the theater is, Mud?
"Mud" : No...
Dennis Van Welker : [shouts] Talk loud enough for people to hear you!
"Mud" : OK... so...
"Mud" : [shouts] Are you gonna help me?
Dennis Van Welker : Much better... No.
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"Mud" : How could you invite her over?! She's going to find out!
Dennis Van Welker : Mud, in a couple of years, two things will happen. One, you'll grow a ridiculous mustache that looks fruit mold on your upper lip. Two, you'll suddenly understand why men invite charming, attractive women to dinner.
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Dennis Van Welker : [quietly] Do you know what the first law of the theater is, Mud?
Morris 'Mud' Himmel : What?
Dennis Van Welker : TALK LOUD ENOUGH FOR PEOPLE TO HEAR YOU!
Morris 'Mud' Himmel : Oh, okay, so uh... ARE YA GONNA HELP ME?
Dennis Van Welker : Much better... no!
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Dennis Van Welker : [explaining Mud's firework burn] The stove's really ancient.
Dr. Celeste Dunbar : Maybe you should consider getting a microwave.
Dennis Van Welker : Oh I couldn't do that, the cat's got a pacemaker.
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Trish : Wig-n-Wam? What're we doing at a car wash?
Gaby : This will never work.
Dennis Van Welker : Haven't you ever heard of a clean getaway?
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Gaby : Look, whatever stupid diet you use, they won't work.
Gwen Nowicki : Shh.
Dennis Van Welker : She's right, diets don't work. Chocolate cake *works*!
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Gaby : [eating diet chocolate cake] This is delicious.
Gwen Nowicki : [with a mouthful of cake and a disgusted look on her face] It's very unusual, excuse me.
[leaves the room]
Gaby : My God, what did you do?
Dennis Van Welker : Yours is Betty Crocker, hers is raw liver paste.
Gaby : So if it tastes like poison, it *must* be diet food.
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Dennis Van Welker : my mama dident raise no fools expect my brother todd. burned hair out of his nose with fireplace matches.
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Dennis Van Welker : [looks up, to Mud] You were sent to this earth, to punish me. Weren't you?
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Dennis Van Welker : I've been planning this camp idea for 5 or 6 years get them away from there parents get them junk food it was perfect